The Balancing Act

"Embrace the glorious mess that you are." -Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love (among other glorious books)

Yeah, right.  I am not supposed to be a mess.  I am supposed to have it all together: a job, all my bills paid, no credit card debt, being super responsible at all times and not forgetting to renew my car insurance, always be happy because #blessed, posting perfect Instagram pictures and flawless Facebook selfies, and literally being the opposite of a mess.  Organized.  Tidy.  In order.  Happy.  Peaceful.  Calm.

Perfect.

I take issue with the expectation that as a gainfully employed and educated woman, I should have it together.  I take issue with the societal expectation of working in a job that I loooove while advancing in it while making adequate money while having a tightknit group of friends while working out three times a week AND eating health while sleeping 8 hours a night while having a love life while volunteering and donating and doing good and not using my credit cards and on top of that, while smiling all the damn time because everything is just great. 

This year I have embraced the beauty of not pretending everything is great, of not saying everything is fine, and not chasing the unattainable "balance" that seems to be expected.  I think I should get to define "balance" for myself.  And to keep anything balanced, there must be change- not just once, but ongoing change, or the scales will tip and everything will topple.

So I have been changing.  What I buy, why I buy it.  How much I buy, and for what purpose.  How and what I organize and why I organize it.  What I eat, what I drink, what I say, what I think.  I have been changing my drinking habits and eating out habits to celebrate the savings.  I am setting specific goals for saving, for my health, for my relationships, for my time alone, for my body image, and most of all, for my motivation.

Is my motivation to achieve all of the expectations to keep up with everyone?  To have 100 likes on Instagram of a selfie I took with my boyfriend?  To keep my Facebook feed filled with all the fun activities and events I stay busy with?  To say "everything's great and I'm soooo busy and it's fabulous" to be an idol and source of envy for others around me? 

Or is my motivation to accept myself as I am but recognize I can grow and achieve in beautiful, intentional ways?

Stay tuned for upcoming posts with specifics on budgeting balance (and several failed attempts), self-care balance (and even MORE failed attempts, if you can believe it), tidying my life starting with my closet, and baby steps that are edging me closer to the balance I want.  The balance that feels natural, and not like the tightrope walk at the circus.

The balance in which I embrace myself, in which I embrace the mess, and call it glorious, beautiful, and real.

You can do anything but not everything.